Give It Fifty Percent
by Better a Freak Than A Fake
Summary: Flaky is tired of being afraid of death all the time but doesn't want to kill to avoid it. But is there a way into the Top 50 Percent without killing anyone? If there is, Flaky is determined to find it.
1. Mission Improbible

**I feel** **like I'm going to go down the whole I went down when I was writing for Phineas and Ferb but I'll try not to lose track of any of these solo stories. I'll keep these in a rotation with my other solo HTF fanfictions. I figured I could use a story about my favorite character and this idea came to mind. Hopefully you all like it.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Happy Tree Friends or any of the characters. All rights go to Mondo Media.**

I'm in what you would call the bottom fifty percent. Except, no one calls us that no one calls us anything but there is the top fifty percent so it only makes sense. Despite the name, the top fifty percent only make up thirty percent of the population. They run the school, literally and figuratively.

"Come on, Flaky, we need to get to History class." I snapped out of my thoughts, finding myself staring at the inside of my locker. I took out my books, turning to see my best friend Cuddles was the one who spoke.

"Sorry, Cuddles, just got lost in my thoughts…" Before I could say anything more, I caught a flash of purple and recognized it before she even saw me. "Top fifty percent!" I gasped, climbing inside my locker and shutting it behind me.

I held my breath as I stood on top of my backpack, peering out the vents of the door as Lammy, carrying that weird pickle of hers, passed by.

After a few seconds, Cuddles called. "Alright, Flaky, she's gone. You can come out now."

I tried pushing the door open but found it locked. Not one of my best ideas to hide inside a locker but it was in a moment of fear. "Umm… help." I crooked meekly.

"It's alright, Flaky! I'll get you out of there. Just tell me your combination." I hear Cuddles call out from the other side of the door.

I only squeaked at the idea. "I-I can't. I'm not gonna say my locker combination out loud. What if Lifty and Shifty overhear?"

I barely caught the heavy sigh he gave. "Alright, you do have a point there. I'm gonna go get Principal Lumpy, then. He can get you out."

My breath caught in my throat. Lumpy was the most dangerous of the top fifty percent but he was also the only one who can get me out of the locker without me giving the combination and I could already feel the walls closing in on me and squeaked out, "Okay."

Cuddles footsteps were the only ones I heard as he ran off in the direction of Lumpy's office letting me know that I was already late for class and I didn't want to get in trouble. I could feel my heartrate spiking up between the tight space I was trapped in and the anticipation of getting put in detention for being late.

It felt much longer then it must have really been until I heard Cuddles voice again. "She's right this way, Principal Lumpy."

Seconds or eternities later, I heard the click of Lumpy's keys in the lock and the locker opened letting in a flood of light that nearly blinded me. I was glad my fur was already red because I could feel I was blushing but no one could see that as I got out of the locker. "Thanks for letting me out, Principal Lumpy."

His response was less than enthusiastic. "Don't mention it. Now, both of you get to class, you're already late."

"Yes, Principal Lumpy!" We both said as I grabbed my books and we hurried to History, the one class we got together.

* * *

Mr. Splendid was already in the middle of a lecture when we came in, both breathing heavily from the run over. "Ah, Flaky and Cuddles, glad to see you finally make an appearance." Splendid said, flying over, and I do mean actual flying. Having a superhero as a teacher may sound amazing but it was really just annoying.

I looked over at the clock on the wall to see that we were almost ten minutes late. Head hung down, I made my way to my seat, which had been modified without a back to leave safe room for my quills. Cuddles took the seat next to mine. "Remind me not to let you hide in your locker again," he whispered to me.

"I can hear you," Splendid pointed out. "Are you two going to keep disrupting my class or are you going to let me teach?"

"Sorry, Mr. Splendid," I squeaked an apology, hiding behind my desk.

"Yeah, how could you disrespect the honor of being one of Mr. Splendid's students?" Sniffles asked looking back from a row ahead of my seat, his eyes gleaming from behind his glasses. He practically idolizes Splendid, as a superhero and a teacher. Something I don't understand as he's not very good at either.

"You too, Sniffles," Splendid said, causing Sniffles to blush and turn back around and Splendid brushed it off and went back to the lecture. "Now, back to tall Napoleon's warfare in the second world war." We all knew that was wrong, at least, I hoped we all knew that was wrong but we thought better than to correct him.

At least MOST of us thought better than to correct him… "But Mr. Splendid," Sniffles cut in, raising his hand. "Napoleon wasn't even alive during the second world war."

"Sure he was." Splendid's eyes narrowed and he, most likely accidently, sent a heat vision beam that lit Sniffles' notebook on fire, I hit the ground to avoid the fire and smoke. "And who is the teacher here?"

"You are the teacher!" Sniffles said and I could see out of the corner of my eye that he was trying to beat out the small fire with his hands.

Splendid went back to his historically inaccurate lecture and I got back into my seat finding that the fire was out. If you didn't figure it out on your own, Splendid is one of the top fifty percent, all the teachers in the school are. All of them incredibly dangerous. Except for Cro-Marmot.

I tried to take note of the incorrect facts he spewed knowing that we will be tested on them as if they were all right. Gosh these classes are so hard to pass between the lectures and tests being full of wrong information and being afraid of the teachers the whole time and my grades were already showing it.

After class was over, Cuddles and I hurried out not wanting to be late for second period either as I headed to Chemistry with Mr. Flippy and he headed to Algebra with Mr. Pop.

I was a bit relieved to have Flippy. At least his lectures are accurate but his other, deadly side is more terrifying than anything and I have no idea what sets him off or if there even is something avoidable.

* * *

Nothing else exciting happened and soon it was time for lunch as I got a tray of some barely edible mac and cheese, carrots, and a milk and headed to the table me and my friends normally sit at to find Cuddles and my other friends Giggles, Petunia, and Toothy were already waiting for me.

I was always the last one there, on the way constantly looking over my shoulder and diving behind random objects as I made my way to the cafeteria. "Hey guys," I greeted with a joyless smile, seating my tray down and taking a seat.

Cuddles cut through my façade right away. "What's wrong, Flaky. You look down." Once he brought it up, everyone noticed and agreed.

I looked across the table at my closest friends, each one of them with a look of worry on their faces and I knew I couldn't lie my way out of this. They could always tell when I was lying. "I just…" I tried to gather my thoughts on what exactly was bothering me since I was locked in my locker. Soon, I realized the reason. "I'm tired of being afraid of the top fifty percent."

"Then don't be," Cuddles said, as if it were all that easy, which, for him, it was. "I mean, if they kill you, you'll just be back the next day."

"It's not that easy. I'm not brave like you." I reminded, spooning some of the mac and cheese into my mouth. "Far from it, actually. I can't just decide not to be afraid of them and have it work. My brain doesn't work that way."

"Then I don't have any other suggestions," he said, looking to the other three who just shrugged their shoulders having no idea.

I sighed and took down a swig of milk, hoping to get down the bad taste of the mac and cheese as I pondered over these thoughts. "Well, if I was one of the top fifty percent, I wouldn't use my extra time to kill people."

Giggles did her namesake thing before pointing out. "That's exactly why you're not one of them. You know they're all where they are because they make up for their lack of deaths by killing other friends."

"I know that but there has to be another way to get in." I said, not giving up hope for my own survival, looking over at who was running the lunch line. "Cro-Marmot doesn't kill friends very often and he's in the top fifty percent."

"Yeah, but he's also in a block of ice," Petunia pointed out the obvious. "You're not." She stopped for a beat then asked, "You're not considering that are you."

"Freezing myself in an ice block? No, I'm not considering that." I bated their worries. "I still say there must be another way."

My friends moved on in conversation but I was unable to take my mind off the idea until a light fell, electrocuting all five of us to death.


	2. Unexpected Alliance

**Hello, got the second chapter here. I realized from some reviews that I made it unclear what the top 50 percent is so I did cover that some at the beginning of this chapter. I will also warn that my characters, though canon, are different then most people view them so you might be surprised by the actions of some, especially in later chapters.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Happy Tree Friends or any of the characters. All rights go to Mondo Media.**

Before we start, I realized that I didn't make it very clear what the top 50 percent means last chapter so I'll explain it now since it's more than a little important. The top 50 percent are the tree friends that are statistically more likely to survive a day than die during it. Now does it make sense why I wanna be in it so badly? Anyway, back to the story.

I "woke up" at five o' clock in the morning in the school cafeteria. Looking around, I noticed the rest of my friends were here too confirming that it killed all of us. I went over to Cuddles, who had fallen asleep at the table and gently tried to shake him awake. "Cuddles, we have to get to detention."

Everyday, there's a detention at the end of the day like normal schools in normal towns but also one first thing in the morning for those who died in the middle of the school day.

No one told us we had detention but we already knew it. The school has a zero tolerance rule for tardiness, something I've gotten sent to detention for almost everyday.

Cuddles grunted at first but got up, rubbing his eyes clearly not all the way awake again and not happy about being woken up when he just got to sleep. "Right, detention. Who's running detention today again?"

"M-Mr. Flippy." Shit, that damn awful stuttering of mine was back. It wasn't always there, only when I was really nervous… okay, so that is almost all of the time but when I'm worse than normal. Are you happy now?

"Flippy, huh?" Cuddles asked, getting up from his seat with a giant yawn. "Well, let's hope Fliqpy doesn't make an appearance then."

"Don't remind me. Fliqpy's the scariest thing in this whole town!" I gasped as we walked towards the detention room, I struggled to match his pace and only focus on him and not any of the many possible dangers surrounding us.

"Not arguing with that." Cuddles laughed even though there was nothing funny. "At least Flippy's pretty mellow though."

"I don't know. Flippy had helped bury me alive once without needing Fliqpy's help." I reminded thinking back to that disaster on the deserted island. I really should have been more careful with my quills and that inflatable raft.

"Even then, that was the only time he killed someone intentionally and one of very few overall." Cuddles reminded, basically shrugging off that terrible ordeal. "I'd still much rather it be him than any of the other teachers."

I kept quiet unable to repute that logic but the memory still racked my brain as we arrived at the detention room just in time.

* * *

I took a seat in my specialized desk and took a look around the room at who was in detention. There was me and Cuddles obviously, Lifty and Shifty, and Sniffles, probably for arguing with Splendid. That was about the average haul.

Like I said, I'm used to having detention so it didn't really bother me. I just thought back to what I was thinking about before I died yesterday. It was a great idea but I needed some ways to make it real.

That was a real conundrum. No one has ever heard of anything like it but I was convinced that I could be the first. I just had to be the first. No pressure.

I actually came up with a few ideas that I quickly scribbled down in my notebook promising to start trying as soon as detention's over. There was no time to waste!

* * *

I worked up a good list that I was quite proud of by the time detention was over. I picked up the notebook and hurried out of the room. As I hurried out, I heard another pair of footsteps behind me but ignored them assuming it was just Cuddles.

That was until I heard a voice coming from the same place. "Flaky, wait!" But it wasn't Cuddles voice, it was the last animal in the bottom fifty percent that I wanted to talk to.

He called again though. "Flaky, please wait, I just want to talk to you."

I considered my options and stopped, turning to him. "Fine, what do you want, Lifty? You're not just going to rob me are you?"

He stopped right in front of me, hands rose. "I'm not going to steal anything from you. Just please hear me out."

"Fine, what do you have to say then."

"Well, first of all let me clear up before I even say it that I was not trying to eavesdrop, as a thief, my hearing is really attune. Because of this, I overheard you talking about joining the top 50 percent."

I was starting to get nervous and caught myself stuttering again. "W-what about i-it."

I certainly had not expected what he said next. "Well, I wanna help. Reap some of the same rewards if the plan succeeds. You know, me and my brother have the lowest survival rate in town and we may be thieves but we aren't killers."

"Why should I trust you?" I asked, surprised by the offer but distrusting of some lowly, good for nothing thief. I wouldn't call him that to his face but it's true.

"Well, think about it this way. Exactly how many times have I stolen from you?" Lifty asked in a knowing tone.

"Zero," I admitted truthfully, a fact that always baffled me considering that he's stolen from everyone else in town but Splendid and that reasoning was obvious. "But you've stolen from all my friends."

Lifty didn't even try to deny that, which was a good sign at least. "Yes I have. I guess you really have no reason to trust me but I do know that if you want your plan to succeed, you'll need all the help you can get and your so called friends already laughed in your face about it."

I hated that he was right. I really hated that he was right. And he wasn't done. "There is nothing I could do to ruin your plan here and if I wanted to rob you, you would have by now. And look, Shifty isn't even here. What do you say, Flaky?"

"Well, I…" I thought hard on this. He was right about everything he said and I needed this plan to succeed more than anything. I valued my life, no matter how temporary more than my stuff. I looked at my list, seeing how short it actually was and agreed, "Alright, we have a deal."

"Really?" he asked, clearly surprised that I agreed to work with him. His tail whipped back and forth in a way more similar to a squirrel than a raccoon but I assumed it meant the same thing.

"Yes, really. I really do need the help."

"That's great then," he said, and surprisingly pulled out a notebook. "I was working on a list during detention and came up with a few ideas. I figured that even if you refused I could try out some of them on my own."

I gasped, taking the list and looking over it and it did have some real good ideas that I never thought of. He must actually be much smarter than I gave him credit for. "I did the same thing," I said, showing my list to him. I was still hesitant to hand anything to him but I did have the list in my head as well.

He looked it over for a few seconds before putting on his signature grin. "Well, I think you and I are gonna make a good team on this."

"I hate to admit it but yes, yes we will." Looking over the list, I noticed that not all of them were legal, I'm not sure why I expected different but I was willing to try almost anything to get this goal, and that was rare for me.

"Flaky? Flakes!" Cuddles called from behind me.

I turned to Lifty, promising to meet up with him later and went over to Cuddles. "What is it, Cuddles?"

"I was just wondering what the heck you were doing talking to Lifty." Cuddles shrugged and I could of course understand why that would come as a surprise.

"He offered to help me figure out how to get into the top 50 percent." I answered truthfully and trying to make it sound clear that I wasn't going to listen to his objections.

"His help?" Cuddles asked, clearly surprised that I would turn to a thief for help, something that I was still surprised about myself. "Why would you want his help?"

"Because I need help and you guys clearly aren't going to help me," I snapped, at this point not caring if it sent him on the defensive or not. It was true and he wasn't going to swayed me on this.

 **So, that's it for this chapter. Lifty was probably as full of surprises for you as he was for Flaky but it will only get more surprising as time passes on in these chapters. So, what plans do Lifty and Flaky have? Are Lifty's intentions of helping her really pure? Where the fuck is Shifty? Find out as Give It Fifty Percent continues. Please review and constructed critisism is greatly appreciated.**


	3. The Truant of the Town

**Hey y'all! Remember what I said about characters being surprising in this story? Well, this chapter will be very true for Flaky. Just... expect the unexpected. Simple as that. It's really not that simple. I'm a complicated person.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Happy Tree Friends or any of the characters. All rights go to Mondo Media.**

Cuddles just stood there and fumed for a few seconds, almost making me take a step back but I stood my ground. Soon, he sighed and said, "It's not that we don't want to help you, Flaky. It's just. The stuff you're talking about, it's impossible."

"It's Happy Tree Town," I reminded at the mention of the word impossible knowing that any kind of logic is constantly defied. "The impossible happens every day."

"Yes, but not in anyone's favor," Cuddles reminded, leaning against the lockers. "Flaky, I really hate to crush your plans but they're not going to work and working with Lifty is not going to get you anywhere good. He's just a good for nothing thief and I don't want you to get hurt."

"I don't care what his reputation is!" I screamed, even surprised myself at how forceful I was being. "I'm desperate and he's the only one who's willing to help me."

"Flaky, I'm surprised at you. Normally you're just so afraid and paranoid over every little thing but now that there's something you actually need to be afraid of, you're suddenly brave to the point of idiocy and that's MY job." I must say, I was surprised to hear Cuddles call himself an idiot but was offended that he also called me an idiot.

I crossed my arms over my chest and took a step toward him instead of away from him. I don't know where I got this burst of bravery, teaming with Lifty and now standing up to Cuddles like this but I didn't see it as a bad thing. I liked my new found confidence and I wanted to hang onto it for as long as possible. "I'm not being an idiot! I'm just doing the best I can to stay alive, unlike you who throws every life away like an empty soda can!"

"This isn't about staying alive! This is about you not getting robbed! Which is exactly what's going to happen if you work with him! His names not Lifty because he bench presses! It's Lifty because he lifts other people's stuff!" He looked around and we both noticed that we had attracted quite a bit of attention from the other students and quieted down. "Look, I tried to help them once and got figuratively burned. I just don't want the same thing to happen to you."

"I understand why you're worried, Cuddles, but I can take care of myself. I don't think he's gonna rob me but if he does, that's a small price to pay for staying alive."

"You have really messed up priorities. You know that, Flaky?" He asked, only making me angrier but I guess I couldn't expect _him_ to understand the meaning of a life. Lives mean almost nothing to him. "But I suppose I'm not gonna get anywhere trying to convince you that. Just be careful."

"I always am."

"Don't turn your back on him."

"I won't."

He was silent for a few seconds before sighing and nodding with a look of regret but understanding. "Then I suppose there's nothing else to say. I am here for you, Flaky and only have your best interest at heart."

"I'm not sure I know that anymore." I sighed turning around and heading back to Lifty before I did something stupid like cry.

"What was that about?" Lifty asked, seeming genuinely worried unlike some certain rabbits. "He was upset about you working with me?" I just nodded, not trusting my voice at the moment. "Well, that's not surprising, Shifty and I aren't exactly well-liked in this town."

I nodded again and started walking toward the front of the school, unable to handle school for the day, saying weakly. "I think I'm gonna try the seventh idea today."

I didn't even hear his footsteps right behind me until he asked, "Which one is that?" I guess I couldn't have expected him to memorize the whole list so quickly but I didn't really expect him to ask.

"The one where I skip school," I answered and kept walking, he wasn't going to talk me out of this and I hoped he wasn't even going to try. I still didn't hear any footsteps behind me but I was almost sure he was still following me. I looked back to check and sure enough, he was. "Gosh Lifty, if you're going to follow me could you at least not be so quiet about it? It's kind of creepy."

"Sorry, sorry, I just get so use to walking this way. It's important for robberies," he said, rising up his hands defensively. "But okay I'll try not to." His footsteps did gain a bit of noise as I returned to walking towards the front door. I noticed that I wasn't as jumpy as normal while I made my way to it. "Look, Flaky I don't think this is a good idea, you could get in a lot of trouble for skipping school."

"I don't care," I stated, not slowing down as I headed out the door. "You don't have to come with me but I'm not afraid of getting in trouble."

"Well, you should be!" he said with equal stubbornness, coming up beside me and matching my pace. "I'm not just talking about being put in detention, Flaky. You could be arrested or even worse. I've been in prison before, many times and trust me when I say you don't want to go there."

I didn't know what could be worse than getting arrested but what I'm trying to fix but I remained straight on my path. "I'm still not afraid of getting in trouble. It's a small price to pay for staying alive."

"Well, I don't think this particular idea is going to work. Friends die outside of school all the time. If anything, school might be a bit safer," he stated, only making me angrier. I did not need him doubting my plans too.

"So what, you're gonna challenge my plans, too? Just like all my friends," I growled, something that I very rarely do but it felt right in this situation I was just so frustrated with everything that going on around me now getting my careful plans knocked by the only one who believed in the idea at all. "If you're so against the idea then why are you still following me? Why not just go back to school?"

He looked down silently for a few seconds, still following me as I headed home. Finally, he answered in a sad tone, "Because I have nothing to lose." He took on a more serious tone, looking back up at me. "You, on the other hand, have a lot to lose. I'm only trying to look out for you."

Again with everyone saying they're worried about me, can't they see that I'm taking care of myself just fine? "I know I have a lot to lose but that's not going to sway me. There is nothing I value more than my life. And for the record, this idea isn't about avoiding school, it's about avoiding everyone else and everyone but Cub and the two of us will be in school today."

"Oh, I suppose that does make sense," he said, calming down some and I could feel myself calming down from it as well.

I took a deep breath hoping it will help with anger just as well as it can with fear. Feeling my anger dissipate, I put on a small smile and continued to explain. "Exactly, most of the deaths are the accidental or intentional fault of another tree friend, usually in the Top 50 Percent. Not all of the deaths but it seems possible to avoid it through isolation."

"That may be true but isolation gets very lonely. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about there." He sighed as we arrived at my house.

"I know. That is a real down side to this idea." I sighed and started undoing the locks on my front door. "Maybe I don't have to avoid everyone though, that would be just unbearable." I made it through all my locks having gotten well used to undoing them quickly. "Would you like to come in?"

Lifty's eyes widened and he took on a look of shock and confusion. "You're letting me into you house… intentionally." I just opened the door the rest of the way and nodded. "No one ever invited us into their house, not since we started thieving."

"Well, I can see why that would be but I'm inviting you in. I don't really have anything that can't be replaced and you've proven yourself trustworthy." Again, I wasn't sure why I was so confident of this or what I was even thinking letting a thief into my house, Cuddles would throw a fit if he knew but it wasn't like I was ever going to be leaving him alone.

He hesitated, as if expecting a trap, which I suppose might have seemed likely to him but did come in. "Alright, I wouldn't steal anything from someone that let me in purposefully."

"You really wouldn't?" I asked, even though I was obviously hoping he wouldn't when I made the offer.

"No, you know they say not to bite the hand that feeds you and I think there's a lot of truth in that." He hesitated about something then asked, "Speaking of feeding… do you have any food?"

I was surprised by the question but answered, heading to the kitchen, "Um… yeah, why, are you hungry?"

"I haven't eaten in… about a week."

I gasped having not expected that at all. Happy Tree Town is far from rich but I never thought anyone would be starving in it. "You haven't? Don't you get a money ration every week from Lumpy?" I honestly thought everyone did. That's where I got my money and where all my friends did.

"No, I haven't seen one of those in decades. All our income comes from theft and death thwarts almost all of our heists."

"I don't understand…" I said, shriveling back at the idea. "Why don't you get a ration?"

 **Cliffhanger! Unless you are really attuned to my head canon, then you know exactly why he doesn't get a ration. Hope you liked all the surprises and will like all the other surprises to come. Please review and constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. Flame are okay, I'm immune.**


	4. Give it a Shot

Lifty was quiet for a while, he seemed to be working his mind through something. Probably how to answer my question. At least, that's what I hoped. I also hoped he wasn't dreaming up a lie. I imagine he hasn't explained this to anyone before.

While he thought it over, I went to the kitchen to find him something to eat, if what he said was true, then I'd imagine he won't be too picky about what I find him but I didn't want to be rude about it either. Again, I didn't hear his footsteps or breathing behind me but I luckily did hear him say, "I'm following you."

I just nodded slowly, thinking over what possible reasons there could be for him not to receive a ration as I dug through the cupboards for something decent to give to him. He probably hasn't had a decent meal in… however long he's been ration-less.

I shoved away the liquor bottles dismissing the idea as ludicrous. He needs food, not intoxication.

Still I couldn't find anything that could make a real meal that wouldn't take time that would be rude to make him wait so I settled on a bowl of fruity cereal with some milk and gave it to him with a spoon.

He grinned widely and practically shoveled the food into his mouth in an impolite way that told me he was telling the truth about how long it's been since he's eaten. Once the bowl was clean, he wasn't and wiped the milk off his face before licking it off his paw, seeming greatly satisfied. "I don't remember the last time I've had milk. Shifty and I tried stealing one of Lumpy's cows for it once but we lost the cow just like almost everything else we steal."

I just nodded, not trusting my voice to come out without a stutter as I went to clean the dish. As I cleaned, a thought came to mind that I had never seen either of them working anywhere and I realized from that the only reason they wouldn't receive a ration like literally everyone else but Lumpy… "You refused to work…"

It was all becoming so clear now. Everything about him made sense. I said it again as if the crystal clear realization would go away if I didn't. "You refused to work and that's why you don't receive a ration. Not only that, but Lumpy took everything you did own just as he always threatened. You can't get a job anymore even if you wanted to so you steal because it's you're only way to get money for food and a place to live."

I looked back at him, hoping to receive affirmation, only to see he had his head hung down as if ashamed of something even though I saw nothing to be ashamed of. "You really are good at putting together details, aren't you?" He sighed and looked me in the eye, appearing close to tears. "Everything you said is true."

I put the bowl and spoon on the drying rack and went back over sitting next to him. "Lifty, if this is true, why haven't you guys told everyone. I'm sure people would hate you less and be less afraid if you only told them the truth." I was tempted to put a hand on his shoulder but wasn't sure how he'd react to the touch. "I mean, I'm not really afraid of you now and I'm afraid of everything."

He only shook his head letting a few tears fall. "They'd never listen for long enough for me to explain myself. I've done some _really_ bad things to some of them. Stuff you don't know about."

He was right, I didn't really know anything about what he did to the other tree friends and from the way he said it, I didn't want to know but I did still want to help him somehow, especially since he was helping me with the most important thing to me. "Well, isn't there anyone you weren't as bad to? I know you've stolen from all of them but still, someone has to be at the bottom of the list besides me. You just need to figure out who that is, apologize, and explain yourself."

Lifty only hung his head again not seeming close to cheering up. "That's very kind of you Flaky but it's not going to be that easy to repair a reputation like mine." He did look back up at me with a ghost of a smile. "I'm okay with you as my only friend. It's much better than I had before. Besides, most people in this town can be quite bothersome that I wouldn't really want them for a friend anyways."

"While that is true…" I admitted thinking about the friends in town, some of which that I call my friends, especially Cuddles. "You still don't seem okay." I thought about what gets me to calm down and cheer up the most and decided to make the offer. "You know, I normally never let anyone else have my whiskey but would you like a drink to cheer up?"

Lifty shook his head again, which greatly surprised me as I had never heard of anyone in Happy Tree Town refusing a drink. Not since the beginning of the curse. "I don't drink. We certainly can't afford to become addicted to it."

I rose an eyebrow, "Funny, I thought everyone in Happy Tree Town drank, it's certainly a great way to distract from life and death here." I thought about it, drumming my fingers against the table. "Though, one shot of whiskey isn't going to get you addicted to alcohol."

"Well… I suppose you're right," he said and I went back to the cabinet and poured him a glass, planning on taking the shot myself if he changes his mind back. I could use the drink too, you know.

I put the full shot glass in front of him and advised, "Now, you don't sip this. Just swallow the whole thing at once. It will burn going down though."

He took the shot and his face scrunched up and he started gaging. "You weren't kidding, it really does burn going down." He recovered from it fairly quickly though, as to be expected. He did laugh a bit. "In a town like this, you'd expect something that feels like that to actually burn through your throat. And you actually drink that? On purpose?"

"Well, not that often but yes. It's the only thing that can calm me down." I admitted, pouring myself a shot, reminding myself to only have one. "Speaking of which, how are you feeling now? The time it takes to take effect can be different for different friends."

"I feel happier," Lifty answered, his voice and body language matching his words. I wouldn't say happy so to speak but definitely happier than he was before the shot. Still, I was certainly surprised when he asked for another shot.

I shook my head and shot my own glass. "No, you don't want to push it too hard your first time; you don't know your limits yet and you already said you don't want to end up addicted." I reminded, resisting the temptation to get another glass myself, I knew I could handle it but I needed to set a good example and not look like a hypocrite.

"You're right, okay," he said, setting down the shot glass right side up as I would expect from someone who's never drank before. "I can see now why you drink that though, I do feel much better. Not good, but better."

"That's good to know," I smiled, setting the glass upside down. I wasn't really feeling the effects of the alcohol but I wasn't really expecting to yet. It just doesn't affect me as quickly or easily with just that one shot. "So, I'm not exactly sure what to do now…" I admitted, not really having anything I like to do with other people, I was never given the choice in activities with my so called friends.

Lifty looked in thought for a few seconds before saying, "You know, sometimes when we're not stealing, Shifty and I like to play chess against each other. He always manages to win though. Unless I cheat and steal all his pieces."

I couldn't help but to start laughing at that even thought I knew that what he was talking about was wrong. "You do what now? Lifty that's not okay. You don't even win then."

"Yes but he doesn't either," he pointed out, laughing as well. "There's no harm by it though, it's just a bit of a healthy brotherly feud. I won't do that to you though. I still don't understand how someone so stupid could be so good at chess. I thought it was supposed to be an intellectuals' game…"

Before I could respond, we were both surprised by a knock on the door. "I thought you said everyone was at school…" Lifty trailed off, staring over at the door but making no move to go answer it.

I wasn't jumping at the opportunity to answer the door either. "I-I thought they were…" There was another knock at the door making me duck behind the table until I heard a childish cooing. "Oh, it's just Cub."

I got up and went to the door, some may find it weird that a baby was showing up at their door alone but knowing Pop's parenting, it didn't surprise me one bit. When I answered the door, I found him sitting on the ground with a rattle in his hand. He waved with his free hand. "I Faky!"

Normally, it's impossible to catch me off guard but Cub is just so sweet and innocent and I guess the whiskey had taken some affect because I was completely unprepared when Cub's rattle hit my shin, knocking me off balance and the last thing I saw that day was my own ceiling.

Sometimes this town is just plain ridiculous…


	5. Danger Than Fiction

**Wow! I am on a roll! And to think these actually another chapter to a new story I wrote between this! I sure hope this isn't affecting the quality of the chapters. Y'all would tell me if it was right? I'd like to believe so.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Happy Tree Friends or any of the characters, all rights go to Mondo Media.**

First thing the next morning, I sighed, staring longingly at the ceiling. I was so sure this plan would work. Sure, the top fifty percent do still die on rare occasions but it takes more to kill them than the bottom fifty percent, certainly more than simply falling backwards from standing on solid ground.

No, this idea didn't work at all. It was a good thing we had many other ideas left to try. I sat up, noticing the front door was open but left it as I checked the lists Lifty and I had written up. "You checking for the next thing to try?" I heard a voice ask from somewhere outside. I stood up and looked out the door to find him but I didn't see him anywhere. "I'm up here!"

I looked in the direction of the call, which, surprisingly, was upwards. "Lifty, what are you doing in that tree?" I laughed a bit. I couldn't imagine going up there myself by choice, unless drunk like on that hike. It was just so high up and, you might find this shocking but I'm afraid of heights. Though, I guess that doesn't mean Lifty is. I used to love them actually.

"I died up there and didn't have the chance to get down yet." Lifty said, climbing down the tree. "I was heading home after your death and a big wind picked me up and impaled me on one of the branches." He shrugged once he was at the bottom. "It's a shame this didn't work but knowing that now, we're less likely to be arrested. We just need to hope Lumpy's in a good mood."

"I guess that's a good point." I sighed, figures this wasn't a very good idea from the get go but there were still many to try and we were both far from giving up. "So… you want to come in for some breakfast?"

"No, I'm okay. I ate yesterday." Lifty shrugged off as if that was a good reason not to eat today, which, I suppose, it is to him. "I don't want to be too much of a bother to you. It's your food after all and I'm not really that hungry."

"You mean you're not literally starving." I corrected, knowing that was exactly what he meant. "It's not that big of a deal for me." I laughed a little, deciding to leave it at that. He didn't need to know anything more. "Besides, I need breakfast, we need to figure out our next move, and I'm not eating in front of you if you're not eating."

Lifty looked at me for a few seconds, seeming to think it over before answering, "Okay, I'll eat with you. I don't want you to go hungry just because I'm stubborn."

I was surprised that he gave into that, given how stubborn he and his brother could be but we headed into the kitchen. Something crossed my mind and I laughed a bit. "You know, it's weird, you would have stolen the food without a second thought but now that it's being offered, it's some kind of taboo."

Lifty laughed as well, as we made it into the kitchen. "Well I guess it sounds weird when you put it that way but it's more complicated than that." I started looking for anything to make as Lifty explained. "We're just not used to having two meals so close to each other. Even when we do successfully steal or buy some food, we try to ration it out. Make sure the food lasts longer than it would if we tried to have three meals a day. Excluding the ones we're dead for, of course."

"I guess that makes sense." I admitted, settling to make some oatmeal for the two of us, might not be a good idea to go with something too hard on his stomach if everything he was saying was true and I had no reason to think it wasn't. "Are you okay waiting for me to make this? It should be ready in time for us to get to school on time."

"Since when do you care about getting to school on time?" Lifty asked but the grin on his face told me he was joking. Though, it is true. "I'm okay waiting. I didn't want it in the first place anyways but that does sound good."

As I started to make the food, I explained to him, "I just don't see the point in trying to be to class on time or even there at all. It's not like we'll actually learn anything from those teachers, the only reasons I try to go at all is that detention is boring and jail is terrible. Besides, the future looks the same. Everyone gets the same sized ration regardless of if they work as a girl scout or a doctor." Then I realized my mistake with a gasp, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay," he cut in, looking over the list. "It was an innocent comment and a fair point as long as you don't do what we did. Unfortunately, skipping school can count as doing what we did."

I gasped, having certainly never expected that, I could only hope Lumpy was in a good enough mood to take away my ration and... "It can? And he can even take anything you came to Happy Tree with?" I remembered that being part of the threat but I needed to make sure.

Lifty nodded. "Shifty and I had the cedar chest that was in our family for generations, had, being the key word. Give him a reason and he'll take literally everything you have. No exceptions."

I thought I was safe on that end. I was a fool and found myself subconsciously speeding up on the oatmeal with what I could even though I knew I couldn't make it cook any faster. "Do you think that will happen to me for skipping school yesterday? I mean, it was just one day…"

Lifty seemed to think about that. "It's hard to say. At this point, it really depends on what kind of mood Lumpy's in when you get to school." He went back to searching the list. "Because of that, we need to be careful what we choose to try today or even take the day off from the plans."

Despite the new threat, I still wasn't giving to that. My life, no matter how temporary, was still more important. "We're not taking the day off. There must be at least one of our ideas that won't put him in a worse mood."

Once the oatmeal was done, I dished it into two bowls, put in two spoons and put one in front of Lifty, looking over his shoulder. "How about my second idea? The one where we just do everything not to draw attention to ourselves? Don't do anything good, don't do anything bad, just barely be there. Like Cro-Marmot, who, may I remind you, is the only friend in the Top Fifty Percent who doesn't kill friends regularly."

"Which is exactly what we're trying to do." Lifty nodded in agreement of the idea. "And I can't imagine Lumpy getting madder at someone he barely even notices." Even as he said it though, I could tell he still wasn't very certain.

That only left my mind with more worries about our approaching fate after that botched idea. "What else could happen if he doesn't do that?"

"Well, at best, we'd have detention for a week; we could be thrown in jail anywhere from life to forever or until we die permanently, during which we could be tortured by not knowing how long we'll be in there; we could be forced to work without receiving any ration; he could repossess some stuff but not all of it or in your case, take everything but leave the opportunity to keep earning rations; he could cut you out of working and receiving a ration but let you keep the stuff you already have; he could blow your hours through the roof, without a higher ration, of course…" He turned back and must have seen the terrified look on my face and decided to stop it there. "There's more but that's all I know or could remember."

I swallowed a metaphorical ball of cotton in my throat and took a seat, trying to force myself to eat, which was not easy in that mind seat. "I never imagined any of that but detention or jail. How do you even know all that?" I asked, shoving a spoonful into my mouth and swallowed with great difficulty.

"Lumpy rattled off the entire list as a threat when Shifty and I first refused to work."

I noticed Lifty kept picking at his oatmeal but never did eat any of it and pushed my bowl away, unable to eat anymore but promised myself to make up for it at lunch when I'll hopefully be feeling better. "Well, looks like I made oatmeal for nothing." I looked down at my Cro-Marmot watch. "It's time to start heading to school anyways. Ready to be completely unremarkable?"

Lifty got both our bowls and put them and the pan in the sink before turning to me. "Yes, let's go be nobodies."


End file.
